Does Forever Lazy sum up new America?Published 12:03am Sunday, January 8, 2012
If you’re searching for the reason America has declined in recent years, look no further than your TV set.
Tons of TV commercials seem to be pitching products that pander to American’s inherent laziness.
I spotted two doozies the other day.
The first was the Potty Patch. Essentially, it’s a small contraption of artificial turf that is supposed to provide your dogs the convenience of peeing indoors.
Really. Do most of us need this? Do we want a tray of dog pee, even if conveniently covered by a top layer of AstroTurf residing inside our homes?
It seems the idea is that it’s perfect for pet owners too lazy to take their animals outside or for owners who simply don’t want their animals to have to be cold when they go.
Imagine how our nation’s enemies must think of such silly behavior.
But that’s only the beginning of the messages our TV shows are sharing with the world.
Apparently, Americans are really bothered by the stresses and hassles of urination, because it’s not only the pooches that have products to ease the stress that every single human on the planet much endure.
The UroClub is a golfer’s dream. The golf club has a hollow, oversized shaft that serves as an on-the-course urinal.
Of course, Americans are also suckers from faux valuables, too. The recent economic woes and subsequent rise in gold prices has tons of commemorative gold coins being pitched on the airwaves.
The manufacturers are careful to make them look like real U.S. currency, but they stop short of saying that and are careful to explain how much gold is actually in the coins.
One of those recent commercials led me to stop and do the math.
The $19.99 coin contained something less than a dollar’s worth of actual gold. How many people are forking out good money for what they think is a valuable investment, all because they’re suckers for the pitch?
If the coins weren’t selling, the ads would be pulled fairly quickly, so apparently, commemorative coins are big hits.
But my all-time favorite commercial product of late is blatant in its name — Forever Lazy.
For those of you who haven’t seen their pitch, the premise is simple: Forever Lazy is a giant set of pajamas for adults.
That’s right: pajamas from head to toe.
The commercial suggests the attire is perfect for when you want to be lazy — around the house, around the town, at sporting events or pretty much wherever you are.
Again, however, the Forever Lazy folks seem to hit on the annoying aspect of human life — going to the bathroom.
The soothing pitch-lady’s voice assures us.
“Uh-oh, gotta go? No worries. Forever Lazy has zippered hatches, in front and back, for great escapes when duty calls.”
Wow. Has America really come down to this?
Once upon a time, our proud country was built on the backs of hard work and our own ingenuity.
Now we’re becoming a lazy lot, intent on being lazy and slowly shipping our money to overseas manufacturers of the crud we’re being fed on TV.
Is it possible our greatest enemy is our own comfort and our ant-like march toward slothfulness?
We’re losing the battle one $19.99 transaction at a time (plus shipping and handling).
Kevin Cooper is publisher of The Natchez Democrat. He can be reached at 601-445-3539 or firstname.lastname@example.org.