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Recognize battered woman syndrome
Published Saturday, June 21, 2008
People who experience severe and unexpected trauma or repeated, unpredictable exposure to abuse often develop psychological symptoms that may affect their ability to function long after the original trauma is over.
They may believe that they are essentially helpless, that they lack the power to change the situation. They often develop coping responses that take the place of the type of active response that would normally be expected under the circumstances — for instance, escaping a painful situation.
The world stops making sense, and the person becomes literally incapable of trying to change it; she chooses only the responses she believes will protect her from further suffering. This can lead to a learned helplessness response or another syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder. This type of psychological injury is often seen in people who have suffered prolonged isolation and mistreatment in an abnormal situation. PTSD may be brought on by a single, extremely traumatic event.
Yet its consequences are often more severe in people such as battered women and abused children because of prolonged terror and abuse.
It is essential to recognize the battered woman syndrome as a terrified human being’s normal response to an abnormally dangerous situation. It is not a form of mental illness, though many psychologists feel that professional counseling is important to help the victim fully recover and begin to enjoy life again. Usually, when a woman gets free of the abusive home, the “abnormal” coping behavior disappears, although she may suffer other long-term effects of having been traumatized.
Where there are merely short respites from violence it allows the woman an opportunity to become numb to the reality of the situation. As the cycle continues, the woman becomes physically and mentally exhausted. The control tactics can virtually destroy her ability to think clearly.
Her perceptions are distorted to the point where she believes she is incompetent, she deserves to be abused, and she can’t leave.
Battered women who manage to keep an optimistic outlook may have an even more difficult time breaking free. They often keep hoping, praying and trying to change themselves, convinced that the relationship will get better and the abuse will stop.
Carolene Britt is a counselor at Southwest Mississippi Mental Health Complex. She can be reached at 601-446-6634.
Comments
Posted by kpage (anonymous) on June 22, 2008 at 10:13 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Carolene...as usual, you hit it right on! When I was living in an abusive environment, I always heard, "You're so stupid...why don't you just leave? You must WANT him to beat on you...if you're that stupid, then you deserve it". Unfortunately that's the general feeling of those who have never experienced violence against themselves. And they believe when you do leave, you should be just fine and dandy; no after effects to speak of. I am so glad you wrote this article. I'm hoping this may open someone's eyes and heart to this epidemic. A little compassion goes a long way. It's horrible to survive this tragedy with everyone wanting you to act like it never happened.
Posted by itsjustme (anonymous) on June 22, 2008 at 10:51 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Yes, you always think it will get better, IT WON'T. It will only get worse. He will beg you to come back if you leave, he will cry and tell you he is so sorry and he loves you sooo much and he will never do it again. What a Lie!!! He only wants you there to take care of him and his needs and do what he wants to you. I left lots of times and came back because I believed him, that he wouldn't do it again, but he did everytime. I was with him for so long that I thought I couldn't really make it without him. I also didn't want to go to a shelter (I don't know why, I wish I had) I didn't want to stay with family and put my hardship on them, so I would go back. I finally left one night when I actually thought he IS going to kill me if I stay and he is MIGHT kill me if I leave. It took almost 20 years for me to leave and stay gone. That was the best decision I ever made. The next best decision was to marry the man I am with now that would never hurt me and he REALLY loves me. I have been away from him for 8 wonderful years now and of couse I still think about what he did to me, but I also think about how glad I am that he WON'T do it to me again.
Women need to know that if a man would hurt you he DOES NOT love you. Think about it, would you hurt your child on purpose, would you hurt your parents, sister, best friend, or anyone that you really love? I wouldn't. And if he loves you he wouldn't either.
Women, PLEASE get out before it's too late. Your children do not deserve to be in this situation either. There are people who want to help you, just take it. You will be sooooo glad you did.
Posted by lilredhead (anonymous) on June 22, 2008 at 11:37 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Yes, thank you so much Carolene for this article. So many women think they have no way out. I was the same way. After repeated abuse (physical, mental, and sexual) I felt like I deserved it. I was so run down. I have no friends or family anymore because he forced me to alienate myself from them. Between the cuts and bruises and the shame I never left the house. Plenty of people knew it was going on but looked the other way. He was always drunk and always on drugs of various sorts. He slept around and brought his filth home to me. When I found out I was pregnant I decided to leave after he beat me one night. I did not get far. He found me, threw me in the vehicle and tried to wreck the vehicle while I was not wearing a seat belt. I got out to run away and he caught me, beat me, raped me, kicked me in the stomach repeatedly, and left me in a ditch in a fire ant bed. I am lucky to be alive. My son is now 7 and the light of my life. He is healthy and happy, but does not know his father or what happened to us. I have spent the last seven years looking over my shoulder and running away. He was released from prison not to long ago and I am in fear. I carry a concealed weapon with me every where I go. I have a wonderful husband now who loves me with all of his heart and would never hurt me or my son. He adopted my son when he was three and now we have a one year old daughter. My love for my unborn child saved my life. HE IS MY GUARDIAN ANGEL!
Posted by itsjustme (anonymous) on June 22, 2008 at 2:24 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Congratulations lilredhead!!!!! I am so glad you made it out alive too. Sounds like you now have a wonderful life. There are so many of us out here that have been through hell and have some stories to tell. I wish that all the women in this horrible situation could sit and listen to us for a little while. I think they would find the courage and strength to leave and stay gone. That is one of the keys, STAY GONE.
Posted by lilredhead (anonymous) on June 22, 2008 at 6:03 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Thank you. I do have a wonderful life now! I would love to help counsel other women that need the encouragement to get out. I have one one now that I talk to a couple of times a week. She has been out of the relationship for about three weeks now and so far so good. I hope she continues her good work.
Posted by itsjustme (anonymous) on June 22, 2008 at 7:35 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Keep up the good work with her lilredhead. I hope she will stay away from him. Tell her she is not alone in this. She will be so much happier when she makes the decision to stay away from him forever. Good luck to the both of you.
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