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Walking away sometimes takes time
Published Friday, July 4, 2008
The average victim leaves her abuser at least eight times before she escapes for good. This is not an indication of failure — on the contrary, with each departure the victim usually gathers a little more information, makes another contact, builds her strength and takes an important step toward the final break.
Women who suffer abuse over long periods of time can be injured in many different ways. Death and severe physical injury are not unusual, with battering now the No. 1 cause of injury to all American women between the ages of 15 and 41. Extreme psychological damage is also possible, and may be so severe that it is utterly debilitating — especially when post-traumatic stress syndrome occurs.
Even women who have left violent relationships early, and who appear to have none of the more severe problems, report various aftereffects that may mar their ability to enjoy life. Many suffer from a vague fear of non-threatening situations, overreaction to minor disturbances, or the feeling of being stalked by a known or unknown menace. Many remain anxious, jumpy, sick with fear and terrified of men for months or even years after getting the abuser out of their lives. Most experts recommend some form of therapy as beneficial for any woman who has suffered domestic abuse.
Women in rural areas are presented with a host of unique circumstances. In addition to a lack of special services for domestic violence victims, such as shelters, many suffer from a lack of basic amenities such as reliable telephone systems, 911 service, reliable roads, available transportation, sources of child care, social services and even gas for vehicles.
Those who have spent their lives in rural settings or small communities often feel uncomfortable or intimidated by larger cities and may be reluctant to travel to seek help. In some areas, the criminal justice system remains mired in a “good old boy network” that condones inefficiency, backward attitudes, and resistance to change.
Women in farm or ranch families may also be concerned for land or livestock that depend on them for care. Sparse population means a long distance between neighbors and contributes to a psychological feeling of isolation. Just getting around may be difficult, and in many places, mobility ceases in bad weather. Migrant farm workers face all these problems, in addition to the stress and isolation of constantly moving, long hours, poverty, substandard housing and language barriers.
Carolene Britt is a counselor at Southwest Mississippi Mental Health Complex and can be reached at 601-446-6634.
Comments
Posted by southern_bell (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 1:13 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Well I was 16 when I married and he abused for 9 mths before I got out. I was to scared to leave because he told me he would kill me if I did. I hid it from my family and friends because I was scared they would confront him and make it worse.
It took a long time to get over my fear of men, but I did with the strength of my family. Now when I meet men I let them know up front I don't coward down NO MORE!!!!!
It puts a lot of stress and depression in ones mind but anyone can do it. If you feel like you can't escape from the abuse, that is when you need ask for help. Men that abuse women are to afraid to stand up to a man. They are weak and easy to escape.
So please anyone man or woman who are in an abusive relationship get out now!! All the oh baby I'm sorry, won't do it again or I was to drunk to know what I was doing it is a weak act and once an abuser always an abuser!!! So remember you are not the weak one the abuser is.
Posted by grrbrts (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 9:45 a.m. (Suggest removal)
What about the husbands whom stick it out? Most divorces are related to child support and money. Both pertain to Gods root to the problem...Money is the root of all evil. Is there discrimination and/or chauvinism towards men in this article?
Posted by Hardcorps (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 10:58 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Males who verbally or physically abuse women are not men. Sometimes, regardless of what the old saying says, words hurt as much as sticks and stones.
Posted by kpage (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 12:40 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Keep your informative letters coming, Carolene. If you can get one person to leave their abusive spouse as a result of your letters, then it is all worth it.
Posted by overthehill60 (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 12:48 p.m. (Suggest removal)
grrbrts
Your comment sounds like a man that has made a baby, but not willing to support it. If a man is grown enough to make babies they are grown enough to support them, that's called responsibility which seems to be something this generation was not taught!
Posted by Hardcorps (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 1:41 p.m. (Suggest removal)
oth60 you're right. These little punks running around making babies should be locked up if they're not providing for their cheerin'.
There's a lot of difference in being a father and in being a daddy. Most any male can be a father.
Posted by overthehill60 (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 10:29 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Hardcorps
Excellent point scars fade, but verbal abuse stays a lifetime. It's begrading & makes a woman feel they are worthless.
No good men that beat their wives usually do it where the bruises can't be seen. I've lived that with ex-son-laws. There were many times I wondered why my daughters wore long sleeves in the summer & blame myself for not being wise enough to figure it out.
I thank God everyday I have had a non violent marriage for 42 years. I also am thankful my daughters were both wise enough to get out before it was too late.
Posted by freedom42 (anonymous) on July 4, 2008 at 11:17 p.m. (Suggest removal)
grrbrts, the correct quote is the love of money is the root of all evil. But you are correct in that love of money has destroyed a lot of relationships. People need to learn to be content with what they can afford.
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