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Homosexuals face domestic violence too
Published Sunday, August 10, 2008
Many of the experts studying the widespread nature of domestic violence believe the problem may be even more common among gay and lesbian couples. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that battering may occur in as many as one in three in same-sex relationships.
Abuse in homosexual relationships can be physical, sexual or emotional; it often occurs in a cyclical fashion; it can be lethal; its purpose is power and control of one partner over another; routine intimidation may be used to gain power; the abused person feels isolated; the victim often believes it is his fault.
However, important differences exist. Gays and lesbians in violent relationships usually have much more difficulty finding appropriate support. Those who do use existing services must necessarily reveal their sexual preference to others, although most shelters and related services will keep information about those who seek help confidential. However, this may still mean confronting a major life decision an individual may not be prepared to make. For those who have not yet “come out,” the threat of publicly revealing a partner’s homosexuality, especially to parents, employers and relatives, can give the abusive partner another weapon for control.
Social attitudes against homosexuality also make it difficult for battered gays and lesbians to find support and compassion. Stereotypes and bigotry against homosexuals persist. Even within the homosexual community, there may be a reluctance to acknowledge social problems, which could further fuel prejudice and homophobia with the heterosexual community.
Isolation is a special issue for abused gays and lesbians. In an area where there are few other homosexuals, the abused partner may feel very alone. Even in areas with large gay populations, the community tends to be small enough for people to know one another, so it is difficult to find support, yet maintain privacy. There is also a persistent myth that battering in same-sex relationships is mutual “fighting,” as opposed to one partner dominating and battering the other.
Fortunately, information and special services for gays and lesbians in violent relationships are becoming more abundant. A number of organizations, including the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, offer assistance.
Carolene Britt is a counselor at Southwest Mississippi Mental Health Complex. She can be reached at 200 S. Wall St., Natchez, MS 39121, or 601-446-6634.
Comments
Posted by NatchezEnema (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 1:14 a.m. (Suggest removal)
The democrat should not have gone here. Many people can tolerate this type of lifestyle but dont have to accept it. Don't ask dont tell.
Posted by thetinman (Keith Reynolds) on August 10, 2008 at 1:40 a.m.
(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
Posted by thetinman (Keith Reynolds) on August 10, 2008 at 2:04 a.m. (Suggest removal)
BTW, Natchez Enama, I tried to get on with The Natchez Police Department about a year ago. I was really looking forward to it. Somehow I missed passing my Civil Service Exam by 5 points, to which I still question! I was not going to hide my sexual identity. I was not going going to be a "flaming faggot" either. If you figured me out, then you figured me out. I wanted to do this for my community for the most part, gay or straight set aside. Natchez has a gay community that needs to be openly represented, even in our local governmental Civil Service Departments. I look forward to my one year date so I can take my Civil Service Exam again. I had to wait a year to take it again!
This time I am going to pass !!! GAY or Straight set ASIDE
Posted by djarum_black (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 2:07 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Why shouldn't they have gone here?
Gay and lesbian people EXIST. Acknowledging this doesn't make anyone gay who doesn't want to be. You can't summarily dismiss the rights, needs, and safety of people who are very real, just because you don't like them.
There are plenty of HETEROSEXUAL people that I don't like at all.. but it doesn't mean I would want them to be in a situation like the one described in this article, or that I wouldn't help them out of it any way that I could. I don't like being around people who do destructive things that could hurt themselves or others, but that doesn't mean that I want anyone to suffer or that I would prefer to live not knowing anything about them. What a shallow existence that would be... to ignore anything unlike myself.
I think an overabundance of religious instruction can do a massive amount of harm to people, if not especially because most people use religion to justify the control of others. Abusers very commonly use religion to demean and shame their victims into helplessness, if not especially children. Very often, churches work very hard to institute a "better than the others" sameness within their own group that can make that group very influential, if not outright dangerous. Churches can't even agree on what they actually believe in. If they did, we wouldn't have so many denominations, which are merely man-made constructs that people use to differentiate themselves from "those OTHER people".
Like it or not, religious viewpoints are not always "good" and can need to be readjusted. If we kept the same religious values that were held in the past, we'd have long-since stoned to death anyone who tried to interfere with the "Will of God" and came up with something important to the preservation of human life against disease.. like penicillin or vaccines. Think about that when your child needs an antibiotic, or you need to inject some insulin. Old religious teachings would have left you or your child for dead, because your death would have been at the discretion of the Creator. Any attempt to artificially affect life and death matters was considered witchcraft and an act against God. What about today? It's different now because we let go of those old ways.
To sit here, keeping your head in the sand (as though it makes you a better person to be ignorant of something), and to AVOID this topic entirely... well I'd say that would be downright UN-Christ-like. It's not like Jesus went out of his way to spend time with the "right" people of his time.
Posted by iconoclast (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 7:08 a.m. (Suggest removal)
To NathezEnema and his fellow bigots: It doesn't matter what you and those like you tolerate or accept. Homosexuals exists, have existed from the dawn of human history, and should have the rights, privileges and access to legal and social resources that other Americans have.
The rights guaranteed under the Constitution apply to ALL Americans, though the Jesus-loving people of this fine state have spent an enormous amount of energy and money in an attempt to exclude Native Americans, African-Americans, Jews, Catholics, homosexuals, women (particularly those who are pregnant) and every other non-Caucasian Protestant.
Why should we pretend these people do not exist? To preserve a false image of a world that never existed so bigots can feel more secure? Why should homosexuals hide their sexual identities from society, going through life pretending to be someone they're not? If that is not an impediment to "...life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness", what is?
Posted by whoa_nellie (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 7:33 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I can't wait to see these comments heat up after noon today! That's when all of the "I'm better than you because I go to church" people will log in.
Posted by straightshooter1 (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 8:03 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I have a relative who is as queer as a three dollar bill but I still love him. I don't agree with his lifestyle but that's his business, not mine. I hug his neck just like any of my other friends or relatives. He knows how I feel and I know how he feels and we just allow life to move on. He loves me even though "I'm one of those people who go to church" and have certain beliefs that don't jive with his lifestyle. But he also knows that I believe that God loves all His children.....not our sins...but us individually and doesn't want us to hate each other or hurt each other.
Posted by Brent_Cox (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 9 a.m. (Suggest removal)
As a gay man, I'm especially glad to see the topic of same-sex domestic violence explored in the Democrat. Thanks for this important article.
Posted by ElGoodo (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 9:35 a.m. (Suggest removal)
"I can't wait to see these comments heat up after noon today! That's when all of the "I'm better than you because I go to church" people will log in."
Well, obviously the representative from the "I'm more enlightened than you because I don't go to church" crowd is here baiting them so why not?
Domestic violence is domestic violence is domestic violence. This is just another "gays are special" article listing ways gay abuse is different from hetero abuse. Generally, pointing these spurious "differences" out is the precursor to demanding special legal status, special laws and special treatment in the eyes of society and the law. Otherwise, the piece would have covered domestic violence in general instead of going on and on about how bad gays have it in their lifestyle.
This the most tolerant time in the existence of this country to come out of the closet. If you will stay in an abusive relationship rather than tell Mom and Dad you are gay, nobody can help you except YOU.
"There is also a persistent myth that battering in same-sex relationships is mutual “fighting,” as opposed to one partner dominating and battering the other."
That is no myth in either heterosexual or homosexual domestic violence situations. Dispelling something a a "myth" without a shred of supporting evidence? A good deal of what gets classified as "domestic violence" is nothing more than two drunk parters fighting. "Loser" calls police, "winner" goes to jail. Ask a cop.
Yep, when you start seeing articles like this, hold on to your wallets and your rights, heteros. You are like to lose a bit of both to make things "fair".
Posted by XXBeautifulDisasterXX (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 9:58 a.m. (Suggest removal)
i guess the article is right after all. gay ppl really do have it bad in life. i mean look at everyone on here. yall are being very rude & disrespectful to them. what does it matter if they're gay? they're happy with the person they are with & thats all that matters. Doesn't everyone out there search for love & happiness. Now you're all saying its a bad thing for them just because its the same sex. everyone should be given the same opportunity & treated fairly. & the article was about gay domestic violence, not to single them out or give them special attention, but because there is a large number of them goin on today. so stop judging & move on with your life.
Posted by destiny (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 10:18 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Don't know which group I fit into but I do know that if you picture Jesus always in temple or sitting in a rich man's house you've got it backwards. Try picturing Him in the alleyways and slums with the homeless and 'derelicts'. You will get a truer picture of who He really was. He ministered to these people to assure them that God loved them and He comforted them with His ministry. If all humans would show just a partial bit of His love for all people this would be a better world to live in. Jesus didn't judge, why should we???
Posted by NatchezEnema (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 11:57 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I am not a biggot. The Enema will respond in kind later today after everyone has had a chance to put in their 2 cents. BE READY.
Posted by fire39212 (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 1:16 p.m. (Suggest removal)
straightshooter1 does your belief allow you to have sex outside of marriage? Does your belief allow you to cuss? Why is it your belief doesn't jive with his lifestyle? Do your beliefs allow mixed race marriages?
Posted by concrnd2 (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 1:34 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Knowledge is always needed. Abuse is everywhere and does not discriminate. Whether you are homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual, abuse is common with those who do not have a good understanding of other’s needs and wants, but only of their needs and wants, which make them selfish. That is where the abuse comes in.
The only difference in this article is the fact that the couples are of the same sex. It’s true that the homosexual lifestyle has existed from day one in the Bible. Not only because this is America, people have the choice to be whom they want to be and live the way they want to live. It’s a choice that God gives also. He said let the wheat grow with the tares, he will do the separating in the end for our sins.
There has always been that sense of control of one human over another. When people realize and change their hearts to the fact that they are not to have control over another human being, then abuse will continue to exist in many forms. Control was only given over animal and even they need to be treated fairly because they have blood in their veins too.
There is also an abuse that comes from the prejudices of heterosexual toward homosexual. There is physical abuse as well as mental and verbal abuse. People can’t change the way others live even if they think it is unsatisfactory or unnecessary. That change comes from knowing Jesus Christ.
Posted by notfromnatchez (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 1:42 p.m. (Suggest removal)
So where is Jesus when all this abuse (gay or straight) is taking place?
Posted by natchezaffiliated (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 3:12 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I think Ms. Britt brings up some excellent points in outlining some of the problems the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and yes - transgendered) community faces in finding services in the light of problems at home. I live in Seattle, and having to keep it hidden while looking for social services - or at all - is less likely a problem in a large urban center, as opposed to Natchez, where one might encounter bigotry even at the social services level. I think it's a stretch to presume there is any greater problem among the LGBT folks than among my straight counterparts. When there is a spoiler in a relationship, it's going down the tubes regardless of who it is, gay, straight, or otherwise..
As an aside, let me bring you all up to speed on something as a courtesy - this is "sexual orientation," not "sexual preference." I think James Carville said it best when he asked one recently deceased evangelical minister, at what point it was that he "decided he was straight?"
As for the person who doesn't want to hear any of this, or for whom this has gone too far. Too bad. This is America and I can live how I want to live. You don't have to agree with it, but you certainly don't have any say in it. If you want to tell others how they can live, jump the first boat to a country with a dictatorial regime, because that's not how we operate here. Spare us all the religion of this conversation and instead challenge yourself in an educational way to become a greater student of humanity.
Posted by unclered (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 4:36 p.m. (Suggest removal)
"The Enema will respond..." That's funny. Sounds like you're outnumbered on here Enema.
Posted by unclered (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 4:40 p.m.
(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
Posted by cchat123 (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 5:14 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Why on earth Jesus, sin, and church appears in the same sentences with the word same-sex, homosexual, queer or whatever phrase that's boiling in the pot for that day?
GAY PEOPLE or FOR AN ACCURATE REPRESENATION,I AM A CHRISTIAN and BELIEVER OF A HIGHER DIETY JUST LIKE ANY OTHER PERSON GAY OR NON-GAY. AND FOR GODSAKES, OR HOLY MACKERAL OR WHATEVER ROCKS YOU speak on the issues and stop bothering me about my sexuality.
The topic is domestic abuse among same sex couples and how contractory it (domestic abuse)is among hetrosexuals and homosexuals in case anyone missed the mark.
Posted by concrnd2 (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 5:23 p.m. (Suggest removal)
notfromnatchez, he's not there (gay or straight) because if he was, then there would not be the abuse. Think about it. Know where he is? He's knocking at the door saying can I come in. I can help you with that problem. Knock! knock!
Posted by notfromnatchez (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 6:53 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Jesus is knocking? I thought someone as "great" as him didn't need to knock.
I thought everyone would just have their doors open for him.
LOL.
But you are right...HE IS NOT THERE!!!
Posted by blackwood (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 7:08 p.m. (Suggest removal)
notfromnatchez, From your posts it sounds as if you have made up your mind as to who Jesus is without reading anything about him.
Marc Blackwood
Posted by notfromnatchez (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 7:19 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I have read plenty about Jesus. I have read the bible. Yes...you read that correctly...THE BIBLE.
So Mr. Blackwood, please enlighten me about what I am "missing".
Posted by concrnd2 (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 7:37 p.m. (Suggest removal)
notfromnatchez, click on the following:
http://sio.midco.net/felix/kai16.html
or hold down Ctrl/Alt/Delete
Posted by blackwood (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 7:43 p.m. (Suggest removal)
notfromnatchez, from your previous posts it is obvious that you are unfamiliar with the nature of Jesus. I would strongly suggest a re-reading with a humble attitude.
Best wishes,
Marc
Posted by notfromnatchez (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 7:48 p.m. (Suggest removal)
thanks concrnd2...that clears everything up for me. LOL.
Blackwood...just because I don't interpret it the same as you doesn't make my point of view wrong or yours right.
Posted by NatchezEnema (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 9:20 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Seems like a lot of people who support the gay life are the first ones who throw rocks. I didn't say one thing for or against gays. Violence is violence. Why try to label it gay couple violence? Thats why I said "don't go there" What does it matter if you are gay, brother or sister, man and wife? I highly doubt anybody who is gay and got beat up by his male lover would be told by the police he has no right to press charges because he is gay. I have many friends who are gay and would die for them if need be. As far as my quote, what is wrong with "some people" not accepting the gay lifestyle? I didn't say go out and beat a gay person up. I don't believe anybody is born gay anymore than someone is born a molester, murderer, or a theif. Human nature is a lot like mother nature, except for one thing. Same sex relationships. Next time you see 2 big fully mature silver back gorillas, or 2 male sperm whales, 2 male bengal tigers, 2 male lions frolicking togeather across the plains, or 2 grown male 12 point white tail bucks getting it on let me know or take a picture for the Democrat. You wont. If we cleared everybody from Hawaii and put same sex couples on there, then came back 125 years from now, how many people do think would still be there? None, they would die off. It is human instinct to reproduce. You can't if you stay in a same sex relationship. If we were meant to be like that I guess we would be like jellyfish, who knows. That's why I believe it's a lifestyle or a choice people make. If your gay fine I won't bother you, could care less, just don't go to Iran. And far as my backdoor? That's a one way street cuz.
Posted by djarum_black (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 11:08 p.m. (Suggest removal)
NatchezEnema .. you said..
"Human nature is a lot like mother nature, except for one thing. Same sex relationships. Next time you see 2 big fully mature silver back gorillas, or 2 male sperm whales, 2 male bengal tigers, 2 male lions frolicking togeather across the plains, or 2 grown male 12 point white tail bucks getting it on let me know or take a picture for the Democrat"
Well, here you go :)
Here are stories, some from smaller scientific publications.. others from nationally-recognized news sources.. all of these are about the phenomena of homosexuality and bisexuality in non-human animals.
Oh, and I threw one in from Wikipedia that was more of an overview.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuali...
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/...
http://www.livescience.com/animals/06111...
http://seedmagazine.com/news/2006/06/the...
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/08/0...
I don't think we'd have such a huge problem with unwanted pregnancies, STD's, or even sexually-based criminal activities if all heterosexual people engaged in sexual behavior solely for the purpose of reproduction.
So, perhaps reproductive success is not the basis by which we should judge the validity of an emotional and physical attraction. Just MAYBE.. lol
Posted by djarum_black (anonymous) on August 10, 2008 at 11:13 p.m. (Suggest removal)
by the way, everyone..
I'm rather impressed with the level of understanding for non-heterosexual people I've seen in the comments on this story.
Heck, I'm sitting here in utter amazement over it, to be honest.
So, I just figured that I would mention this. Until ALL people are allowed the same civil rights (marriage, freedom from discrimination over an inherently personal trait), this isn't going to get any better because there will be no solid foundation of security for LGBT people.
Don't forget things like this when you have the opportunity to vote. I'm not just referring to the Presidential Election, either.
Posted by humorme (anonymous) on August 11, 2008 at 10:49 a.m. (Suggest removal)
If a straight guy beats up a gay guy it's a hate crime. If a gay guy beats up another gay guy it's "domestic violence".
Posted by Swapmeet (anonymous) on August 11, 2008 at 1:04 p.m. (Suggest removal)
It's pretty simple. If you are a born-again believe in Christ Jesus, then you have to accept the fact that homosexuals will die and go to hell along with all the drinkers, drug addicts, smokers, dippers, cussers, and, yes, religious, moral people who have never submitted their lives to the Lordship of Jesus. If you don't believe in Jesus, then you think homosexuality is okay. It's pretty black and white.
Posted by iconoclast (anonymous) on August 11, 2008 at 4:47 p.m. (Suggest removal)
swapmeet: Back to the middle ages with you. Produce one piece of solid evidence Jesus ever existed? Any contemporary accounts? No. The Gospels date from well after Jesus allegedly died and were not attributed to Matthew, Mark, Luke and John until after 100 AD (CE actually). Are we really to base social policy and legal statutes on hearsay?
Posted by djarum_black (anonymous) on August 11, 2008 at 7:32 p.m. (Suggest removal)
"Posted by humorme (anonymous) on August 11, 2008 at 10:49 a.m.
If a straight guy beats up a gay guy it's a hate crime. If a gay guy beats up another gay guy it's "domestic violence"."
------------------------------------------------
Perhaps you don't understand the definition of a domestic violence incident.
It's not a matter of just two guys beating the crap out of each other.
If man A attacks man B on the basis of man B being gay, yes.. that's a hate crime. It was a crime inspired by hatred.
If two people who live in the same domicile engage in violent behavior, thereby denying one or the both of them of the right to safety from terror or injury in their home.. THAT is domestic violence.
----------------------------------------------
"Posted by Swapmeet (anonymous) on August 11, 2008 at 1:04 p.m.
It's pretty simple. If you are a born-again believe in Christ Jesus, then you have to accept the fact that homosexuals will die and go to hell along with all the drinkers, drug addicts, smokers, dippers, cussers, and, yes, religious, moral people who have never submitted their lives to the Lordship of Jesus. If you don't believe in Jesus, then you think homosexuality is okay. It's pretty black and white."
----------------------------------------------------
Okay. If that's what you believe will happen to everyone else, fine. What about the earthly term of these people who, at the end of life, will supposedly go to hell? You'd think, as a Christian, your life would be devoted to mercy, compassion, and other Christ-like behavior. One might think that just as a human being, that if you really believed that your unavoidable God was going to inflict such misery on people, you might at least show them compassion and some understanding while they were here on Earth, awaiting their inevitable punishment.
How convenient it must be to adhere to such elitist denominational dogma. To take some morbid comfort in the thought that everyone who isn't just like you is WRONG and will be PUNISHED. Then again, I think I'd rather not serve an entity who would summarily punish all other races and cultures of the Earth who have celebrated their own traditions and ways of life for years far exceeding those of Christianity, right along with all of those kinds of people you mentioned.
Posted by fire39212 (anonymous) on August 11, 2008 at 9:53 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Swapmeet you said If you don't believe in Jesus, then you think homosexuality is okay. It's pretty black and white.
I believe in Jesus and am a born again christian....I do believe homosexuals have the same right to go to heaven as we do.....They sin yes no doubt about it...But, we do also...You ever had sex to someone you weren't married to? Ever done drugs? etc....If you can be forgivin and go to heaven so can they....By the way i smoke i do not think that will keep me out of heaven...
Posted by Yeahuhuh (anonymous) on August 13, 2008 at 11:33 a.m. (Suggest removal)
He,he! I just love a good discussion.
Ever notice how some folks when they say they believe in GOD, you can tell that they just believe in their own idea of God? That's not believing in God in my book, that's believing in your own ideas. For a while the ancient Jews seemed to think that even uttering his name was a sin -- seems like a lot of people missed why they took that position.
Most of the time when God is brought up in a discussion like this it is to shake a finger at someone else to make them accept the ideas of whoever is throwing God around for their own purposes.
Like they know the personalities, the books to read, yada, yada, but the humility to face a Lord you KNOW you could never really understand -- even enough to describe what "he" is...it's an elusive acceptance.
Gays and lesbians do not get the support they deserve in our culture. But that's changing. The lack of support causes things to unravel in many ways. BRAVO for the article above.
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