Movie titles reflect 1999 season
Published 12:00 am Sunday, December 5, 1999
It’s the holiday season, so you know what that means –&160;new movies. But don’t let the previews fool you. And I’ll throw in some favorite rentals, also.
Pokemon: The First Movie: Gerry DiNardo going with Josh Booty all year; David Cutcliffe throwing a pass with seconds remaining in regulation against Mississippi State; Jackie Sherill not being able to recruit a quarterback – like the movie, none of it makes sense to me.
The Best Man: An first-person account of golfer Tiger Woods.
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Double Jeopardy: The story of one of the nation’s favorite game shows and the discount Florida State wide receiver Peter Warrick gets as a contestant.
Sixth Sense: What the owner of the Indianapolis Colts has in drafting Peyton Manning and Edgarrin James.
Ride With The Devil: The story of a up-and-coming boxer who hires Don King as his manager.
Tumbleweeds: Sisters Venus and Serena Williams roll over everybody in sight on their way to the top of the tennis world.
The Insider: Major League umpires threaten to disrupt the sport of baseball by walking out. Bring plenty of tissues.
The Haunting: The story of any baseball player who goes to the plate against Randy Johnson.
Lion King: Charlie Batch replaces Bary Sanders in the title role.
The Bachelor: A documentary on what you have to be to attend an NBA game where some tickets to one game go for as much as $90.
Being John Malkovich: Who Joe Paterno became after the Nittany Lions lost three straight games at the end of the season. Actually, that could be Ohio State’s John Cooper.
The Bone Collector: The story of the Mississippi State defensive backfield. Contains violence.
Dogma: A documentary of what Jimmy Johnson puts on his hair.
Toy Story 2: The story of puppet-like toys that come to live. It has to be an autobiography of New York Yankee owner George Steinbrenner.
The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc: The story of any Florida quarterback who doesn’t follow Steve Spurrier’s orders.
Sleepy Hollow: Follows Barry Sanders from the top of the NFL to where he now resides.
The Green Mile:&160;How long a first down seems to be on artificial turf to this year’s Atlanta Falcon football team.
Elmo in Grouchland:&160;The Sesame Street character is signed by the Cincinnati Reds. He doesn’t finish the season because Marge Schott’s dog tracks him down after a game.
Inspector Gadget: Southern Mississippi head football coach Jeff Bower pretends to be chewing out a player who then runs down the sideline to catch a pass off a faked punt that eventually beats Louisville. True story.
For Love of the Game: Never mind Kevin Costner. Just put Sammy Sosa in the lead actor role and let him go.
The World Is Not Enough: A documentary of contract negotiations surrounding most athletes. Or Billy Brewer’s lawsuit.
Flawless: The story of New Orleans Saints fans and what they expected from top draft pick Ricky Williams.
Anywhere But Here: Ricky Williams being the top draft choice of the New Orleans Saints.
End of Days: Ricky Williams leads the New Orleans Saints to the Super Bowl.
Joey Martin is sports editror of The Democrat. He can be reached at 446-5172 ext. 232 or by e-mail at email@example.com.