Giving thanks on a special day set aside for thanksgiving is easier said than done. As with the Christmas season, the Thanksgiving holidays often find families, friends and loved ones pressuring each other in subtle ways or spending time in activities that have little to do with expressing gratitude for the freedoms and blessings so central to American life.

A therapist and author who has studied and written about personal relationships has provided some tips to help us to practice gratitude.

Dr. Adrian Calabrese, author of &8220;10 Spiritual Steps to a Magical Life: Meditations and Affirmations for Personal Growth,&8221; suggests practicing one or two of these activities each day:

Spend a conscious moment listing and appreciating your personal gifts, talents and contributions.

Spend another conscious moment listing all the good things you already have.

One by one, list situations in your life that are annoying, difficult or depressing. For each of these, ask yourself what they might teach you.

For a quick blues buster, think about the people closest to you, how much you love them and how much they love you.

If you have pets, allow yourself to soak in the unconditional love they give you so willingly and generously.

Start making eye contact with acquaintances, and look for signs of love in their eyes.

When you find yourself comparing your life to someone else&8217;s, stop.

When you feel fearful, practice having hope and looking forward to the future.

Take pride in things you do, and consciously congratulate yourself.

Be kind to your body and be less critical of your missteps.

Be less critical of others and look for ways to compliment someone daily.

Take advantage of small opportunities to do good, from volunteering to giving up a parking space.

If you catch yourself gossiping or speaking in negative terms, stop mid-sentence and change the subject.

Newspaper people learn to take both compliments and criticisms in stride. Both come in abundance.

Compliments bring a glow of gratitude. Criticisms sometimes sting.

A recent incident reminded me of how every person who has pride in his job must feel exactly the same way about compliments and criticisms.

Our neighbors across the street have a perfectly kept yard, with no leaf un-blown and no weed un-pulled. Ours, on the other hand, is anything but perfect &8212; more the natural look, I guess you could say.

We often have joked about the yard maintenance workers across the street blowing all the leaves from that side to our side. In truth, the clean sweep across the street simply accentuates the scattered leaves on our side.

Recently, I couldn&8217;t resist stopping to say to the man blowing leaves from the neighbor&8217;s side, &8220;Don&8217;t blow the leaves onto our side of the street.&8221;

Immediately, I knew he was taking pride in the very nice work he was doing and took my words as criticism of that job. He bristled, and I left before trying to explain my words.

My words would have been better unsaid. The joke was lost on someone who could not have known the tone in which the words were offered.

With Dr. Calabrese&8217;s advice as a guide, a compliment would have been more in order.

Today is a day to count small blessings and to be thankful for all the ways we are connected as families, friends, co-workers and a community &8212; and to tell each other, &8220;Good job&8221; and &8220;Thank you.&8221;

Joan Gandy

is community editor of The Democrat. She can be reached at 445-3549 or by e-mail at

joan.gandy@natchezdemocrat.com

.